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Jun
(Source: michaelawalsh, via imgfave)
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Jun
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Jun
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2
Junit says “ash brown”. but where the hell is the brown?! all i could see is “ash”. yes, all i wanted is a slightly darker tone but damn the hair has gone so fckn dark. geez it looks boring now. though i must say darker coloured hair hides dry hair better somehow. but still, i’m not used to seeing myself with an almost black hair aft like what, 3 years. i definitely do not hate my genetically black hair, just that a brown tint looks livelier in photos, considering that im not lively myself. lol.
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448
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JunBlair & Chuck
a love so dark, deep and mystifying. i am craving for such addiction but the uncertainties of the game are just too abusive. i need something simpler, but as electrifying.
i am already entangled in a similar secretive complication anyway. just like Blair, i tried to avoid, to forget and shut it out but i know can’t let go and i don’t want to. i want to work this out but i’m not sure how. and i always wonder if he has similar intentions..
(Source: prettyfangs, via chuckblairgifs)
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31
Maylove gives hope (Hunger Games , 2012)
i never thought of it that way. something invisible but so powerful. like the wind or The Almighty. it gives us extraordinary power which we never knew we have.
but what if someone lost hope in humanly love itself?
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May
(Source: leilockheart)
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May
HEAVEN
(Source: remain-reckless, via imgfave)
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(Source: leilockheart)
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Mayall the while ive always dreamt about wearing that gown and mortarboard but now the time has come im not at all excited. despite the fact tt im utterly disappointed over my tertiary performance, there are several other things that have been left unfulfilled. honestly, i regret alot of things that i did and didnt do during these 4 years. like not having a true CCA to build my leadership skills, getting more internships and being more involved in big things like entrepreneurship which a few of my inspirational friends are doing right now. my resume is so plain. i feel as though i have been a total failure: academically, socially, spiritually, emotionally, everything!
gosh i never ever wanted to start over again this bad. of course, that is impossible. i could go through another full-time degree course and do all the things i wanted to but age is catching up, ive no time to relive my life, and financially ive run out of resources.
after 4 years, only now ive learnt my lesson. never wait to do something you truly desire, dont be so afraid. yes, fear, it grips me hard. just like how ive been avoiding love throughout this period. and that is the main reason ive been feeling secretly unmotivated to accomplish things. a recent meetup with my best friends made me think about my relationship needs.
as much as i hate to admit i want company, i know i cant run away from it any longer. im tired of alternating between excessive physical exertion and excessive eating, much less excessive shopping and tuitions and whatever else to make myself so busy up to the point that i thought, ‘hey i dont need a man’s love in life, ive too many things to be occupied with!’ but only to find myself on a slippery slope to the dungeon of mystery-turned-self-inflicting misery.
i dont exactly know what im afraid of. but ive come up with a theory about my condition. i may be afraid to fall in love because love makes one feel the need to need that someone. and that need makes one so dependent, reliant and resulting in powerlessness and vulnerability. and this, the needy image of someone in love scares me. ive gone through it before, at least i thought i was in love, only to be cheated in a way that no one else could imagine. im not exaggerating, things were really unknowingly complicated like it literally came out of a mystery sequel over a period of 6 months.
and when i was recovering from that disaster, another mystery came into my life, although this is of a really different nature, without any third party, just us. but because it’s just us, all secrets exposed, once again i feel vulnerable because he has the power over me, over things that no one else in the world knows about. and i don’t know why i have been so willing to divulge them. i reckon this willingness indicates my acceptance for him to be someone i need. and now im too afraid to face this need. and tt’s why ive been hot and cold on his radar, hiding and appearing occasionally. im not playing a game but im just trying to figure out how i could transform this thing into something healthy, though up till now im still afraid to even try.
many people think im anti-love but no, honestly, im just afraid of being weak. because love consumes me. drains my energy. and the thought that there is chance of being cheated like i once had (and seeing all the cheating going on around), it makes me fear love even more.
now that ive graduated, i know im adult enough to think about stability in relationship but i still cant let my guards down. i can never explain clearly to anyone about this confusion i have. ive too many reservations and inhibitions. love seems heavy but i know i need it and i know from whom i want it but fear of being powerless over myself makes me so afraid to pursue it.
what am i supposed to do
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May
(via imgfave)
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(Source: icanread)
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(Source: do-it-all-on-our-own, via heartyeahmelody)
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She lets him fulfills her utmost desire, this is the story of my whimsical doppelganger.
